Monday, February 21, 2011

The Pacifier Intervention

I'm no Dr. Drew. I have zero experience as an interventionist. BUT I did used to smoke a pack a day for about 10 years AND watch a lot of reality tv so I knew we had an addict on our hands. Last week we decided to go cold turkey on the pacis. Poor little buddy didn't see it coming. Even I didn't quit smoking cold turkey. I needed an anti-anxiety pill for 6 weeks to get me through the withdrawals. That pill would have come in handy for Sawyer.

A little history, Sawyer was a tough baby. I threw a soothie in his mouth on day 1...mostly because he was so freaking loud. I needed a plug to drown out the screaming. Who knew 3 yrs later he'd be a full-blown paci addict? Once he turned one, we implemented the "MUST leave home WITHOUT it" rule. He did well with that. He only got the paci when he was in his crib. Piece of cake. At two, the dentist said we were screwing up his teeth and we needed to go cold turkey. The kid sucked on the thing so hard that he was starting to look like a Brit. Ugh.

Fast forward to last week and things had taken a turn for the worse. Instead of learning to live without it, he was becoming more dependent on it. He'd ask for it earlier and earlier each night. And then, the last two weeks he started waking up in the middle of the night when he couldn't find it in his sheets {remember we switched him from crib to bed about two weeks ago...shit!}. The end came on Monday night when Eric got up at 3 am and physically had to move the bed away from the wall in order to rescue the paci from the depths of the gap between the wall and the bed.

So we took him to Disneyland {California Adventure}. It was raining. We had the brilliant idea to let him hand the pacis over to Mickey Mouse...Mickey was such a nice guy, he was going to give them to the babies that needed them. Makes sense, right!? Two problems arose when we got there...first, Sawyer loves Mickey but he wants nothing to do with the characters at Disney. Watching them on TV is just fine with him. {Not sure how we managed to forget this small piece of info.} Second, it was raining and the only thing worse than having to wear that big ass Mickey costume is having to do it in the rain {I'm guessing, here.} So we got to Disneyland and there were no characters to be found. Zero. I decide, "How about we throw them in the lake?"...we'd only be potentially screwing up their new billion dollar "World of Color" show, but hey, whatever it takes, right? No. It started pouring and we were way too far away from the lake when it was time to do the deed so, in typical Eric fashion, he says, "F-it, let's just throw them in the fountain in Downtown Disney." I said, "sure, why not" because at this point I was in full waddle mode and starting to look like a drowned rat, er buffalo, from the downpour. We get to the fountain and it's off. Shit! and not only is it off, it's been drained. Double shit! So Eric says "we're doing it anyways" and hands over the two remaining pacis that Sawyer owns and says "Go for it buddy." To his credit, he chucked them in the empty fountain with ease...but then immediately burst into tears. I wanted to cry too. Eric looked at me and said "quick, let's get out of here." I looked at him and said "should I grab 'em back, just in case?" He called me an enabler and then took off back to the car. I arrived 5 minutes after him. Winded and wet. It was not my finest hour.

So we get home and here's where I realized that I really was one of those enabler moms from the Intervention show. You know, the mom's that let the kid live under their roof and the kid shoots up heroin in their bedroom and then the camera crew arrives to film the intervention and the mom acts shocked like she had no idea her kid even had a drug problem. Yeah, I'm that mom. I realized that Sawyer could handle giving up his paci but I couldn't.

Anyway, when we got home we put him down for a nap and here's where the real fun started. Now that we made him go cold turkey. We had to watch him have paci withdrawals...for two whole hours. Here's just a sampling of what the lil dude went through. Pacis really are like drugs.

1. Crying. First the tears came, hard and loud..."where's that plug? oh wait..."
2. Shaking. Then he started shaking and rocking, back and forth in his bed.
3. Hot then Cold. He ripped off his socks and pants. Then, he got cold and was pissed when he couldn't get his socks back on.
4. Taking his stuffed puppy and slamming it against the headboard.
5. Yelling, "I'm mad. I'm so mad."
6. {And my personal favorite} When I finally went in the room to check on him he says, "Mommy, I need somefing for my mouf." Shame. The old oral fixation problem. I wanted to hand over one of those extra special anxiety pills that I used to pop like candy when I quit smoking.

Here we are now, 5DPP {5 days post paci} and he's doing pretty well. The first few days, nap time was the toughest. He's basically been trained to use the paci as a tool to help him fall asleep. Now he has to get to bed on his own. Not so much. Bed time has been simple because by the time he gets in bed, he's so freaking exhausted that he passes out. Today he actually fell right asleep at nap time. Golf claps for mom of the year over here.

Hey, I have an idea! How about we have another baby! Crap...

The way they were. {Cue Taps}



We weren't even really sure what Sawyer looked like until after his 1st birthday...


Sawyer and his BFF {Paci, not Rylan}


The day the pacis died...


In other news, I may not be an interventionist or a doctor, but I did figure out what's wrong with Serene Branson...she didn't have a stroke. She's pregnant. This is how I sound every day...

2 comments:

  1. If I were you I'd invest in another brand of paci for the new munchkin. Bring the new brand to the hospital with you and remove the soothie kind anytime it appears in the bassinet. Basically, if Sawyer sees a soothie you will be back at square one. Oh and my dentist...as long as it's gone by the time they have permanent teeth you are fine!

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  2. Let me tell you about my pacifier addiction. I was about 3 the first time I decided to give up "aggie" (the name of my "paci"). I was on a ferry boat in Maine with my Grandfather and I threw it to the fishes. I actually have a picture of right after I tossed it. What a mistake, not the happiest face! I was fine with my decision until later that night, on the 2 hour car ride back to Rhode Island. I wouldn't stop crying & screaming "I want aggie!!" My parents pulled off at every exit until they found a convenience store that was open and sold pacifiers...not aggie but apparently it quieted me down until the next day when my mom could find a duplicate aggie. It was about 6 months or so later when I decided to get rid of it for good. I was in the car with my mom and decided I'd had enough and threw it out the car window. At that time I was old enough to carry it around in my pocket my mom said and I only took it out when I was at home or in the car. So I'm sure in a few months Sawyer will have kicked his addiction.

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