Pregnant on Aisle 4!

Ok, what is it about buying a pregnancy test that makes you feel so wrong? Really! I don't get it. I'm a responsible adult - most of the time. I'm allowed to get pregnant. What is it about that pesky little pink box that screams - "This girl had sex! She might be knocked up!" Ugh. Why is it so uncomfortable? Well, I certainly learned my lesson this time. This time around, I decided to purchase my tests at the grocery store. Why? Well, because the freaking things are expensive and I had a coupon for my local Ralph's. I should have just paid the extra $10 to save myself the humiliation. Instead of waiting in the line with the rest of my groceries, I decided to play it safe and use the self-check out. I didn't want to risk being seen at our neighborhood store by anyone I might know. I might as well have had a king-sized bottle of KY Jelly in my cart. I cruised up to the self-check, quickly started to scan my items and place them in the bag. I was safe. Or so I thought. I handed my coupon to the woman who oversees the self check stations. Here's where it started to go downhill. "Oh, honey," she says, "You didn't spend $25 to get the $10 savings." Me: "Oh, yes, actually, I spent $30." Her: "There's no way. You only bought 3 items." Me (getting annoyed): "Yes, and they totaled $30." Her: "Well, what did you buy that was so expensive." Me: "I bought freaking pregnancy tests lady!" You could have heard a pin-drop. Bring on the uncomfortable silence. It should have been the end of it. She should have just scanned the coupon and sent me on my way...but here's where I learned that you should always buy "sensitive" items from the pharmacy window. I think they've actually gone through training so as to never adversely react to anything "strange" you may have purchased. Clearly the Ralph's clerk missed the training. Her: "Really, you think you might be pregnant?" In my head I thought- did she really just go there? Oh, she was just getting warmed up. "How old are you? You look 17! Would this be your first baby?" Me: "Actually, this would be my 3rd." And here's where the shit really hit the fan. "OMG! 3! Are you sure!? I mean 3 is a lot of work." And now I'm getting unsolicited parenting advice from the self-checkout clerk - which, I might add, would be alright if I had asked for her opinion. But I didn't. My attempt to sneak in and out of my local Ralph's with pregnancy tests had completely failed. Finally she scanned my coupon and I was on my way. But I still see her every Monday when I do my grocery shopping and she gives me the "is she/isn't she?" look. I swore I wouldn't have a third baby shower but I have a feeling this lady might offer to throw me one. Lesson learned. Since this is our last baby, I will (hopefully) never have to buy pregnancy tests again but you better believe that any other "sensitive" purchases are going straight to the non-judging pharmacist.