FML at LOL

So there was this Groupon {Eric loves it when I talk dirty to him} for a full-set of eyelash extensions plus one "fill"...and seeing as how I'm allowed to buy anything as long as there's a Groupon for it, I jumped at the chance to try these bad boys out.

I must admit, I hate the idea of anything that needs to be "filled." It's the reason I gave up my 3-inch acrylic nails years ago. The upkeep is stressful. I have a hard enough time getting into the hair salon every 6 10 weeks as it is...sadly my new grey hairs are making it harder and harder to slack.

But I love the idea of spending the hot summer make-up free and, with lash extensions, you don't really need to wear any make-up...especially mascara. I also loved the idea of the lashes for when I am teaching spin for the same reason. While most of my clients are used to seeing me in a somewhat haggard state at some ungodly hour, the lashes give you that "I've already showered and had my second cup of coffee today" look.

So without doing any research on the downside to lash extensions, I set off for my appointment. I really didn't want to know if they were bad for your own lashes {kinda the same way I refuse to read any articles that talk shit on McDonald's chicken nuggets.} What's the worst that could happen?

I arrived at the super cute salon and proceeded to fill out SEVEN pages of warning notes...hmm. I started to get sweaty and anxious. Especially after I read the warning about how I had to lay there completely still with my eyes closed otherwise risk screwing up the lash process - oh and my eyes. No biggie. I don't know why this came as a surprise to me. How else were they going to put them on? But suddenly the thought of laying there and being unable to open my eyes for fear of instant blindness was too much to handle. But my Groupon was final sale so I hopped up on the table.

You don't actually realize how hard it is to NOT open your eyes until you're told you can't. All I wanted to do was open them. My jaw was clenched. My toes were curled. I was having a full blow panic attack. And just when the soft music started to put me to sleep, this song came on.

OMG. Someone was obviously fucking with me. And then, because I was trying so hard not to open my eyes, my right eye slightly cracked open and in seeped what I'm sure was lime juice. "Oh fuck", I thought as I started to pick out names for my new seeing-eye dog. I managed to pull it together so that the eyelash tech was none the wiser. After an eternity hour, I was done.

"Ok, you can open them!," she said. Except now I couldn't. I was unable to open my eyes and I just laid there. "OMG, my eyes are glued shut." Once I pulled my head out of my ass and the girl assured me that I was ok, I opened my eyes...

...Ok, so not as bad as Jenny from the block... I was actually pretty happy with how natural they looked. And I couldn't feel them at all! Just a slight after-burn from the lime juice, but that went away within the hour.

I was totally relieved to be done until she told me she'd see me in two weeks for my fill. Because of how "quickly my lash cycle is," I'd never make it more than two weeks without a fill she said. Awesome.

After I walked out of the salon and before I took a minute to be thankful for the gift of sight - I took a selfie. Duh.

The next morning, I woke up and there were lashes on my pillow. And my face. "Shit! My eyes are balding." But I guess this was just part of my "rapid eyelash cycle" hard at work.

And contrary to what you might think after reading this post, I've actually really enjoyed my new lashes. Minus the hour spent in hell  complete stillness {which, btw, would be amazing if I could enjoy it}, they actually make life quite easy! I've barely worn make up for a month!

At times, I do miss a bit of mascara {self-proclaimed mascara whore here} but the lash girl assured me that mascara and lash extensions don't mix so I obeyed.

I've had them "filled" now twice and have only had to emergency text one of my closest confidants about them once, er, maybe twice.

And on the heels of that text decided it's probably best to sit this next fill out. Too much of good thing can sometimes leave your eyes bald be too much.